No surprise, life’s been crazy. I wanted to try and catch you all up real quick.
If you don’t already know this, our eldest son was born with stage 4 -myelomeningocele-Spina Bifida. This means his spinal canal never closed properly during gestation. He also has an Arnold Chiari malformation. This is when a part of his skull is small and misshapen pushing the brain tissue down into the spinal canal.
Ayden is an almost 13 year old boy who gives me a run for my money, let me tell you. He has a smile that lights my heart and a laugh I could never live without. He has had 15 surgeries, numerous procedures, and is, easily, the strongest person I know. He’s been in decent health for the last 2 years, but the last couple of days have been difficult for him.
He has had a bad migraine and some pretty serious pain in his incision site on his back. I have had to go pick him up from school both yesterday and today. I hate that I never know how serious of a problem I have. You never know with these kiddos. At least, we have a plan after speaking with his neurosurgeon this afternoon and I will keep you posted on that.
Peyton continuing to home school is still the best decision I could have made. He is excited to learn everyday. He is present and learning new things with each and every lesson. I just wish he was able to do this with other children.
We went to the library the other day and they had a science class he wanted to go to, but after seeing how many kids were in the class he decided he no longer wanted to participate. I didn’t push it too much, but it definitely bothered me. He really has some serious feelings about a room full of children. I am looking into getting some help for his anxiety and I’ll keep you posted on that, too!
In other news, we’ve been on the ketogenic plan for about 6 weeks now. If I’m being honest, I don’t love it. I miss fruit and I don’t love bacon the way everyone else does. I am doing my very best and it’s working, but I am pretty bored with the food choices. I have decided to try at least 4 new recipes each week, that way I can keep things fresh, hopefully.
I am down 35 pounds since February and I LOVE IT. I want to be that woman that tells you I’m fine with whatever size -I’M NOT. I can’t handle my legs rubbing together resulting in the worst, most painful, damn rash that makes you waddle like a duck for a week after. I’m not good with it feeling like a workout just to shave my legs, sitting out of anything bringing the spotlight to me, hiding from any and ALL cameras, not being able to cross my legs, sweating like a pig because I decided to wear my shape wear in 100 degree weather (all for appearances, huh?), or hoping that my husband won’t come back before I’m completely dressed because the thought of him seeing everything is out of the question.
Yes, I want to be healthy, but I also REALLY want to be comfortable in my own skin. I don’t want to hide behind clothes, make-up, and fake smiles anymore. I want to throw on clothes, thoughtlessly, without examining every roll and jiggle. When I’m playing at the park with my kids, I don’t want to be fumbling around pulling shirts down, pants up, wondering how disgusting I look to everyone else. When my husband tells me I’m sexy, I want to believe him.
So, it’s simple; I’m changing it. I am the only one who can give me what I want -my life back.
Along with the ketogenic plan, I have just started the t25 workout videos, ya know, “An hours worth of work in 25 minutes.”They’re hard; I have had my ass handed to me both days I’ve done it. I am being careful with my SI joint and my heart (I have inappropriate coronary sinus tachycardia) and taking it slow, but it feels so good to move it’s hard to pace myself. Dan just bought me a fitbit Blaze to help me track all my workouts. He’s a good man. I am also doing 20 minutes of yoga at night to keep my periformis muscle happy.
I have set a goal to complete the first 25 days of t25 and yoga at least 3 days a week. Why am I telling you? Accountability of course. I am not perfect and I will make mistakes, but I can’t quit -not again. I want my kids to see that I had a problem, set a goal, and crushed it, not what they’ve gotten so far.
I want to make them proud; I want to make me proud.
I realize this is a bit scattered -sorry- but sometimes my life is just all over the place .