Tag Archives: Kindergarten

Urban Changes

After an hour of crying before school, it was time for Peyton to get out of the car with Maddox and head into school. I was already over it, but I put my mommy face on anyway. I have the most forced smile I have ever given while holding back my own tears. “Please Mama, they are so loud! I will be so good at school, Mama! How come I can’t do school with you anymore? Are you too busy now?”

Wow…..right through the heart.

After a few minutes, it’s obvious if I don’t get out, he isn’t getting out either. I make my way around to the other side, knees in a puddle (cherry on the top), pleading with him to please just walk into the school with his sister and I would be back in a few hours.

He is standing here in front of me with swollen eyes, tears streaming fast and faster, the cars are all piling up in the drop off (one brave mom even honked at me to hurry up), Maddox is losing her cool (she is very type A and doesn’t handle being late very well), and no matter how many times I tell him it will be fun he DOES. NOT. CARE. At this point, I’m not even sure I believe that!

“THAT’S IT”, I think to myself as I realize I need to collect my thoughts and make something happen, like NOW, because if this lady honks at me to move one more time, she’s going to get ALL of my crazy!

“Maddox, I love you! You can go inside!…………… Peyton, get in the car, we’re going home!”

He cried the whole way home…….so did I!

I felt like I failed.

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Papa & Peyton

I was still so upset when I walked in the door, but I had to do something, so I called the school. I don’t even know what I was expecting to come from this call, but while talking with the principle she offered to come outside and walk him into class, if I bring him back. She gives me a number to text if I chose to bring him back.

I honestly thought it might work, until I walked out into our dining room. There he was, pulling out all of his school curriculum, “Mama, I…I…want to do school here, with you. I love to be with you!” He says this in the cutest stuffy nose voice.

My heart is breaking for the both of us.

If I know one thing, I know, this isn’t the answer.

“Yes, buddy, you can stay. I want nothing more than to do school with you, too!” He wipes my tears away, kisses me on the cheek, and says, “thanks Mama, I really love you!”

This decision doesn’t come lightly for me. Everything we’ve been through in the last 6 weeks and.. BOOM, that’s it! Was it for nothing? I don’t think so. I think this was the only way I would see the whole picture. Peyton has never enjoyed playing with other kids. He’s good with older kids and adults. He even spent his fifth birthday party in his great grandma’s room because of all the kids. It’s not for him, not right now anyway.

I walked away, multiple times, listening to him cry for me while someone, he’s known for less than a month, holds him back from his mama; it goes against everything I am, everything I believe in, and everything he’s ever known.

I have been blessed in this life with the opportunity to be here, to grow their minds, nurture their hearts, and that’s what I intend to do, as long as they’ll let me!

Now to figure out how I will get that “me time” in with a full time kindergartner at home….

xoxo Cassey

 

 

 

 

Grace & Bribery

Yesterday was just as bad as the day before, if not worse, for both Peyton and I.

The night before last he asked if he could switch classrooms (this has already been suggested to me) because he has difficulties with the amount of chaos. Don’t get me wrong, his teacher is absolutely amazing, that aside, this is a tough group.

I walked my two littles into school in order to find out how I could go about putting the process into motion. As we’re sitting there, I can feel his anxiety rising by the second. It’s about to happen. I can feel it. One of the secretary’s asks us if I’d like her to call someone. I instantly said yes and shortly after, we went back with a women who has been working with him the last day or so.

We walk into her office and sitting against the wall are a few chairs from a table that was previously there. Peyton sits in the chair closest to the door, of course. After a short discussion she asks if she can keep him with her for the day.

I agree.

It’s time to leave.

His eyes are swollen, red, and as I stand up he begins to cry. “Mama, please don’t go! PLEASE JUST LET ME COME WITH YOU!!! I am fighting tears with everything I am, but I can feel myself losing this battle. I, reluctantly,  peel him off of me with her help to slip out. Tears rushing down my face, I can hear him crying all the way out of the building.

I am at a loss.

 

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Maddox, Peyton, and I on the first day of public school. 

It was now the next day and I had a plan. I woke him and started putting my plan into action. “Alright, buddy, we are going to get up and go to school today!” Instant tears. I tell myself to just keep going and, for once, sound super excited about shopping.”SO, I have to go birthday shopping tomorrow for your birthday and I will need to make a list, but I need your help to remember it! Okay?” He agrees. Yesssssss!“Okay, Candles, Presents, of course, ……”

We are now approaching the school, so far so good. Every time he started to get upset I would add something to the list or pretend I had forgotten something off the list (I’m a mom without coffee, it’s plausible). I stop the car. It’s time. I put my game face on. I unbuckle my seat belt as if I am putting on my invisible mommy armor. “OKAY….(I take a deep breath)…… Hugs! Kissy’s ! You will have the best day and don’t forget about my list!” His eyes begin to water. I can see it coming. I panic a little. I knew if I didn’t do something fast we were going down…..FAST! “GUESS WHAT? If you can go with Maddox into class like the strong boy I know you are, I will have a special surprise for you when you get home!”

Go ahead, roll those eyes, throw those hands up, I panicked. I am human, but most of all I am a mommy with a love for my baby only another mother can understand and I hate to see him struggle. I am still dealing with this, but I decided to allow myself grace, as we all should from time to time.

Peyton got out of the car, wiped his tears, held hands with his sister and waved me good-bye.

And, yes, in case you’re wondering, I have no guilt that bribe, it was 100% worth it!

xoxo Cassey